The hate diaries

Sometimes I really wish I could slap her. I am trying to see the overall picture clearly. She will try to manipulate the people i am around. Monday, P. Tuesday S. Wednesday, S. A whole week of all my hard work done. I do have the urge to slap her sometimes but I also wanna punish myself for being so weak and letting all my hard work and effort go. She never had to work hard for anything, she just lets things pile up and then blame other. I wanna slap her so bad sometimes. I know its up to me to get her out of my life but I just... I dont know. "Junk food is good for your diet" "Do you even hear the bullshit you are talking about" She asked me what I am doing three times in half an hour the other day. What could i possibly be doing. Im so sick of people intruding in my life and taking control for real. I hate her, I HATE HER. SHES LIKE A FUCKING LICE, SHE DOESNT LEAVE, AND SHE DRAWS IN MORE AND MORE TOXICITY. she has no boundaries whatsover. She doesnt care who...

"Hey girly sup". She opened the door, without knocking as always. She started searching throughout my desk for leftover snacks or god knows what. I cringed at that sight. I loved living alone, and back in england i used to only chill with my housemate when one of us was having a mental breakdown. They say family you cant choose, and i deffo wouldnt choose such intrusive rude passive aggressive and loud relatives if i could. "Leave." I said somehow desperately with my voice cracking. Ive been having a mental breakdown all day long. I just told my boyfriend that maybe calling it quits would be a good idea. "Come on I wanted to check up on y....wait whats that, can I take it? "Get the fuck out, how about that" "Ok but i was sleeping" she mumbled and i wondered why a.was she referring to that in regards to being a rude fuck, and b. lying had become such a second nature that she would just mumble excuses- i knew for a fact she wasnt slee...

Καθε φορα που ακουω ποπ πανκ, δηλαδη σχεδον ποτε, φανταζομαι πως θα ταν αν η ζωη μου ηταν νον στοπ τα 19 μου και συνεχιζα να ζω τοση ευτυχια σε λουπα και δεν εβλεπα ποτε εκεινες τις μοιραιες νυχτες και τα ασθενοφορεια και ισως αν μεγαλωνα ετσι και αν μου χτυπαγε λιγο περισσοτερο ο καλοκαιρινος ηλιος το προσωπο ενω ειμαι πασαλειμενη με αντηλιακο και παω σε καποια παραλια μεσω τραμ, ισως τοτε, να μουν ακομη χαρουμενη. Νομιζω οταν λειπει ο Χ. δεν ξερω πως να μαι χαρουμενη. Με κανει να νιωθω τοσο χαρουμενη κ ειναι κριμα γιατι ξερω πως την χαρα τη πληρωνεις πολυ πιο ακριβα απ οσο αρκει κ απο οσο την νιωθεις. Θυμαμαι ημουν 19 και οι πανελληνιες ειχαν τελειωσει κ ειχα μαζευτει με κατι φιλες μου να παω για μπανιο σε μια παραλια. Κατσαμε διπλα απο το μπιτσομπαρο γιατι δεν ειχαμε λεφτα, και επαιζε bon jovi και guns n roses και τρεχαμε ενω παραλληλα γδυνομασταν και πετουσαμε τα ρουχα μας και βουτουσαμε με φορα στη θαλασσα και θυμαμαι το μυαλο μου να κλειδωνει σ εκεινη τη στιγμη και να λεω ορισ...

Its 7.30 AM. I still havent slept at all. Im tired, and my stupid myopia contact lenses are sticky and make my vision blurry. I am currently washing my makeup brushes, not for hygiene as much as another reason to wake up tommorow, something minor that will probably keep me excited for the next five minutes after I swallow the last drops of coffee. I am tired. Not physically tired of course, as I havent been undertaking any significant physical activity. As I wipe the makeup off my brushes, I wonder why. What is this emotional burden Im feeling, as if I have been fighting with a significant other for six hours straight. And then it hits me. I have been fighting all day long. Initially with my friend, who fails to understand that when you treat people poorly, they will treat you the exact same manner. That friends are friends, and not parents, and will not be as forgiving as family often is. Then, with my crush. I hate developing feelings, and I am desperately seeking a way to beco...