"Hey girly sup". She opened the door, without knocking as always. She started searching throughout my desk for leftover snacks or god knows what.
I cringed at that sight. I loved living alone, and back in england i used to only chill with my housemate when one of us was having a mental breakdown. They say family you cant choose, and i deffo wouldnt choose such intrusive rude passive aggressive and loud relatives if i could.
"Leave." I said somehow desperately with my voice cracking. Ive been having a mental breakdown all day long. I just told my boyfriend that maybe calling it quits would be a good idea.
"Come on I wanted to check up on y....wait whats that, can I take it?
"Get the fuck out, how about that"
"Ok but i was sleeping" she mumbled and i wondered why a.was she referring to that in regards to being a rude fuck, and b. lying had become such a second nature that she would just mumble excuses- i knew for a fact she wasnt sleeping, because her friends just greeted me 10 minutes ago.
Its weird how you can live with people for so long and yet not like them at all despite your conscious and persistent efforts.
I started crying again out of the blue. I could imagine my therapists look, strict yet concerned. I had cultivated the bad habit of crying mid session and shed stare at my in awe and ask me why am i crying. And I usually would reply I dont know.
She used to say that there is something inside me,possibly some trauma, that I am scared of processing, as I used to open up 10 minutes before the session was over, not giving myself enough time to reach any significant conclusions. God I miss therapy. Speaking to people about my feelings nowadays is a massive struggle. It usually feels like a financial transaction whereas the other person tolerates me until the times over so they can start discussing their own matters. Kinda like a debate. But I wanted no debates. If i wanted a quid pro quo relationship, Id rather pay, get it off my chest and make some progress.
It wasnt that i hated everything. It was that I was deeply disgusted or disapproving of most things. And the worst part is that I cant stand people who wont take responsibilities for their actions. I hate excuses. One thing therapy taught me is that if you want something enough, you go after it and if you have excuses, you dont really want it.
I was wondering how my therapist would react to my current mental breakdown. " I dont have a job, my relationship is a mess and I cant see any future in anything".
She'd probably think that I am depressed, and she would refer me back to the psychiatrist, only for him to conclude that I am fine and dont need any meds, just a bit of holidays. People can really annoy me some times. Well, most of the time. You could be screaming the truth to their faces and theyd still would hear only the bits and bobs they want.
I cringed at that sight. I loved living alone, and back in england i used to only chill with my housemate when one of us was having a mental breakdown. They say family you cant choose, and i deffo wouldnt choose such intrusive rude passive aggressive and loud relatives if i could.
"Leave." I said somehow desperately with my voice cracking. Ive been having a mental breakdown all day long. I just told my boyfriend that maybe calling it quits would be a good idea.
"Come on I wanted to check up on y....wait whats that, can I take it?
"Get the fuck out, how about that"
"Ok but i was sleeping" she mumbled and i wondered why a.was she referring to that in regards to being a rude fuck, and b. lying had become such a second nature that she would just mumble excuses- i knew for a fact she wasnt sleeping, because her friends just greeted me 10 minutes ago.
Its weird how you can live with people for so long and yet not like them at all despite your conscious and persistent efforts.
I started crying again out of the blue. I could imagine my therapists look, strict yet concerned. I had cultivated the bad habit of crying mid session and shed stare at my in awe and ask me why am i crying. And I usually would reply I dont know.
She used to say that there is something inside me,possibly some trauma, that I am scared of processing, as I used to open up 10 minutes before the session was over, not giving myself enough time to reach any significant conclusions. God I miss therapy. Speaking to people about my feelings nowadays is a massive struggle. It usually feels like a financial transaction whereas the other person tolerates me until the times over so they can start discussing their own matters. Kinda like a debate. But I wanted no debates. If i wanted a quid pro quo relationship, Id rather pay, get it off my chest and make some progress.
It wasnt that i hated everything. It was that I was deeply disgusted or disapproving of most things. And the worst part is that I cant stand people who wont take responsibilities for their actions. I hate excuses. One thing therapy taught me is that if you want something enough, you go after it and if you have excuses, you dont really want it.
I was wondering how my therapist would react to my current mental breakdown. " I dont have a job, my relationship is a mess and I cant see any future in anything".
She'd probably think that I am depressed, and she would refer me back to the psychiatrist, only for him to conclude that I am fine and dont need any meds, just a bit of holidays. People can really annoy me some times. Well, most of the time. You could be screaming the truth to their faces and theyd still would hear only the bits and bobs they want.
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